How to Maintain your Identity When You’re Giving All You Have in a Relationship


When you meet someone new that you love you want nothing more than to be with that person every minute of the day. You are happy to give up some of your hobbies and time with family and friends in order to have the opportunity to be with your new love.

And if all goes well the relationship blossoms into one that is long lasting and enjoyable. But the problem is sometimes that during this initial time with a new person (often called the honeymoon phase) you do tend to give up other things that are or once were, very important in your life.

And later, after you and your new love have gotten used to having each other’s company, your life may seem to be missing something. After all, you have neglected some things and people that are important to you – things that make you who you really are.

So how can this dilemma be avoided? That’s easy really – instead of giving up all of your friends and hobbies, why not add them to a new relationship? Begin by introducing your new love to all the important people in your life. You might even want to do some ‘double’ or group dating. This allows you to spend time with your friends and family members while still being you’re your new special someone.

And if you have a favorite hobby or two you should definitely tell this new love about them. Chances are that he or she will want to learn more about this hobby and maybe even get involved also. This is a wonderful way for the two of you to grow even stronger bonds. The truth is that doing fun things together helps to build a foundation that is solid and lasting.

You could even have certain days of the week that you set aside just for your ‘me’ time. Then, during that time you could indulge in your hobbies or choose to spend time with old friends, etc. This sets some relationship boundaries from the start and in some cases this helps to make the relationship stronger and healthier.

The flip side of all of this is if you don’t share such things with a new love you will eventually come to regret it and even feel resentment toward your partner for preventing you from enjoying a part of your life that is important to you.

The point is, when you meet someone that you want a real relationship with – honesty about yourself, your likes and interests, is essential. By sharing details about what is important to you and ways that you like to spend your time, your new partner can make real choices about whether or not he/she wants to be a part of that. Together you can decide if you want to allot ‘private’ or ‘me’ time for hobbies, etc. or if you will incorporate it into your relationship.

Maintaining your own sense of identity is not difficult if you never let go of it. Even when you are in love you should not lose sight of what makes you who you are.

This is a guest post contributed by Alex Wise, a featured writer for dating service. Alex is a well-accomplished bilingual writer for magazines, websites and newspapers about relationships, online dating and marriage.  Alex teaches online marketing on his down time.


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